5 ways to help a grieving friend or family member

I copied this from the THE GARDEN A CENTER FOR GRIEVING CHIKLDREN & TEENS web site today. The kids & I have participated in this support group since January & it has been extremely helpful.
Five things to help a grieving friend

1. Acknowledge What Has Happened
Say something ("I am so sorry about your loss"), write something (a card or a note means a great deal), do something (a kind gesture or helpful deed is always welcome). (And I would add: please be sure that if you have offered to do something for the person or be with them in some capacity that you really follow through. This is not a time to say things that you can't follow through on. perhaps promise less? do more?)

2. Listen, Listen, Listen
Make time to be with the friend and listen to their thoughts and feelings. Don't ever assume that you know what they are going through. Just let them know that you are there for them to listen and care.

3. Accept the Other as He or She Is
Don't try to offer advice on how the person should act or feel. If the person seems different, remember that THEY ARE. Something big has happened to them.

4. Offer to Help, and Make Your Offers Specific
Don't just say, "I am here for you." Tell the person HOW you are here for them. Examples are: "I will get the homework assignments for you," or "I will check in on how you are doing everyday this week, ok?" or "I want to sit with you at lunch for awhile until you are feeling better."

5. Relate to the Other as a Whole Person
No one wants to be seen as a victim all the time. Remember that the person is more than what they have lost. To forget who the person is will not help their recovery. To forget that they have had a sad thing happen, will make them feel invisible. So try to keep both things in mind.

GRIEF IS A CONTINUAL PROCESS. WHAT MIGHT ASSIST YOU?

TALKING
GETTING INVOLVED IN SCHOOL AND OTHER ACTIVITIES
HAVING TIME ALONE CRYING
WRITING DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS
BEING WITH FRIENDS
EATING HUGGING SCREAMING PRAYING
HELPING OTHERS GETTING COUNSELING
JOINING A SUPPORT GROUP
EXERCISING
LISTENING TO MUSIC
DRAWING OR PAINTING
E-MAILING




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How Bobby & I met.....

I'm sitting here tonight, wearing a pair of Bobby's jeans that are not as baggy on me as I would hope...feeling a myriad of feelings. Our 12th wedding anniversary would have been this sunday. I have felt the intensity of this time even before being conciously aware of the date, the time, the season.

I first want to say that my wedding was the BEST wedding I've ever attended. I hope all brides can say that :) I had more fun & felt more love, joy & presence of God than at any other gathering of that kind in my life (though the day we celebrated Bobby's life last summer was, amazingly, a close second.) The food seemed supernatural, we danced, we partied, we sang to one another & jammed with our family & best friends...in a blizzard in a country club in Greenville, PA. The maitre'd was healed of some physical ailment during the ceremony (which was also in the country club) & came to us with tears during dinner to tell us so.

Tonight I'm thinking of the way we met: It was 1989 & we both worked for Prime Computer in Natick, MA. I worked in HR; Bobby was in CAD/CAM. We were in completely different buildings. I was very new in my relationship with Yeshua & I was friends with a great bass player named Tom Doran who also worked at Prime. I shared my experiences with God with Tom pretty freely to say the least! One day Tom said to me: Mimi, you've GOT to meet this guy over in Building 10. He's a musician and a "Jesus-Freak" just like you!

So Bobby called my extension (or I called his I can't remember...) & we met for lunch at a little restaurant called "The Villa." Bobby was married at the time so there was nothing romantic in our meeting BUT GOD had Bobby "read my mail" that day. (Many people I know had similar experiences with him). The things he said to me that day opened up a part of my heart that had been very damaged by my own bad choices & what others had done to me. Because of my past,I believed, TRULY, that I did not deserve to have a husband & children. But the day I met Bobby, who knew nothing about me, he spoke into that part of my life & God took over doing the rest.

We became friends & stayed in touch until he & his ex-wife moved to Texas. I didn't have contact with him again until May of 1994 after he had been through a divorce he did not want. BUT GOD had other plans for him...for me...which neither of us could have guessed.

He returned to CT & while there he tracked me down through one of my best friends. I was in Ohio. We talked over the phone for 6 MONTHS! and during that time, God built our friendship into a romance which led to Bobby coming to Ohio..December 1994 & asking me to marry him.

No marriage is perfect; ours certainly wasn't. But we worked hard at it & loved each other intensely, fought passionately & felt deeply about the things that mattered most to both of us: God, our children & extended family, friends, music, living with integrity, kindness & generosity. Bobby was one of the gentlest most generous men I've ever known. Sometimes I think this world was not a kind enough place to be able to keep him here...I hope this blesses someone today....with tears & great love, Mimi

Message for 2008

When I was singing on New Years Eve in Columbia, SC with MOWpeeps: "Prepare... for what I'm about to unleash on the earth...", I saw an enormous banquet table. It was completely bare except for a perfectly white tablecloth covering it. It means a couple of things to me: the slate is not only wiped clean but it completely new, virginal, untouched . What God is about lay on the table is brand new, not yet seen, yet something completely delicious and worth every moment of waiting , suffering and persevering. (I have this thought over and over about the coming year: make no assumptions based on what we think we know or past experience but STAY OPEN.) It is untouched by human hands. HE alone will set this table before us, in the presence of our enemies no less! We can feast and revel in it. There is room for EVERYONE at this table and lastly: the table doesn't just represent what God is doing in the earth, but it also represents the human heart made new IN HIM and HE feasts there with us. Yum yum. It is a glorious thing and we are GLAAAAAAAAAAD !!!!!!!! Eph. 3:20 glory to Him because He is able to do such things. He is mighty and awesome ...wow. Love to you all from us

DO NOT STRESS OVER CHRISTMAS & NEW YEARS ETC...

When my husband & I bought our first house this summer, we had no idea that we would have less than a month before he would die suddenly & unexpectedly. But God KNEW.
When we closed on the house, God spoke to my heart: DO NOT be uptight about getting the house in order, unpacking & all of that. RELAX. ENJOY your husband, enjoy your kids, enjoy the land & the house.

And this time, I listened. We had rich, beautiful, simple, joyful time together...the 4 of us & time with friends & family in those 3 weeks. The boxes were stacked everywhere & we didn't care. It was OK & we LOVED each other & i am so glad we did. I am so glad we had those times by the river & in the yard & in our new town & putting aside the TO DO list for awhile.

So here I am, 5 months after his death, many boxes are still stacked around me reminding me of HOW GLAD I AM that we chose to set aside most of the DOING to simply BE with the ones we love the most in all the world.

CHERISH the ones you love, LOVE the ones you're with, FORGIVE & LET GO of the hurts, FORGIVE yourself, DO NOT freak out over tinsel & gift-buying & your hoilday menu or guest list or your disappointments in yourself or others. LOOK people in the eye & say THANK YOU. "Shower the people you love with love...Show them the way you feel. Things are gonna be much better, if you only will. That's what I'd like to do to you....." - James Taylor sang it; not sure who wrote it!. EVERY chance you get. With as much love as I can convey in a BLOG..........Mimi

Hurricanes of Love are Here...

Well, it's 4:44AM so it seemed like the right time to post this. around the fall of 2001, I had an experience with God. I think it was right around the time my extended family & I were near the Outer Banks, NC. We had to be evacuated from the coast due to a major hurricane that came through. God began to speak to me about His "Hurricanes of love" that were coming to this realm. He gave me the impression that many people see this move as something chaotic, wild, driving, insane & they would reject it as something that couldn't be of God. But He put on my heart that it WOULD be from Him and that those who have drawn near to Him in INTIMACY over the past years would recognize this as Him, His doing. In it I sensed that He would be reordering EVERYTHING. Picking up everything that is, and placing things back down in His order (which is so VASTLY different from what we think of as "order"). I also felt that those who rejected this move would also come against those who embrace it. Hey. It's ALWAYS been that way! So if your an "embracer" get over it & walk in love. If you're a "rejecter" perhaps you might want to step back for a moment or two...pause...read your "Owner's Manual" on a deep level & then see what happens next! :) None of us have EVER been down this road before...only He knows the way...which He reveals to those who lay their heads upon his chest, listen to His heartbeat & love....the thing that clued me in that these Hurricanes are releasing right now is that I wrote a new song during a time alone with God as the kids & I were travelling up & down the east coast & into the midwest. When we hit Chicago, it got really strong....wanting/needing to be more BLISSED than ever
Waterspout Croatia
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