5 ways to help a grieving friend or family member

I copied this from the THE GARDEN A CENTER FOR GRIEVING CHIKLDREN & TEENS web site today. The kids & I have participated in this support group since January & it has been extremely helpful.
Five things to help a grieving friend

1. Acknowledge What Has Happened
Say something ("I am so sorry about your loss"), write something (a card or a note means a great deal), do something (a kind gesture or helpful deed is always welcome). (And I would add: please be sure that if you have offered to do something for the person or be with them in some capacity that you really follow through. This is not a time to say things that you can't follow through on. perhaps promise less? do more?)

2. Listen, Listen, Listen
Make time to be with the friend and listen to their thoughts and feelings. Don't ever assume that you know what they are going through. Just let them know that you are there for them to listen and care.

3. Accept the Other as He or She Is
Don't try to offer advice on how the person should act or feel. If the person seems different, remember that THEY ARE. Something big has happened to them.

4. Offer to Help, and Make Your Offers Specific
Don't just say, "I am here for you." Tell the person HOW you are here for them. Examples are: "I will get the homework assignments for you," or "I will check in on how you are doing everyday this week, ok?" or "I want to sit with you at lunch for awhile until you are feeling better."

5. Relate to the Other as a Whole Person
No one wants to be seen as a victim all the time. Remember that the person is more than what they have lost. To forget who the person is will not help their recovery. To forget that they have had a sad thing happen, will make them feel invisible. So try to keep both things in mind.

GRIEF IS A CONTINUAL PROCESS. WHAT MIGHT ASSIST YOU?

TALKING
GETTING INVOLVED IN SCHOOL AND OTHER ACTIVITIES
HAVING TIME ALONE CRYING
WRITING DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS
BEING WITH FRIENDS
EATING HUGGING SCREAMING PRAYING
HELPING OTHERS GETTING COUNSELING
JOINING A SUPPORT GROUP
EXERCISING
LISTENING TO MUSIC
DRAWING OR PAINTING
E-MAILING




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyone reading this blog?????

please let me know OK? thanks, mimi

"Take Me There" by Mimi Caban now available on mp3

This is a song I wrote about 15 years ago that really fits where we are now. Bob Young of Emerald Vein, Tony Green on bass & Jeff Reid on keyboard revived this song last summer after Bobby passed away & helped me put this together.

Go to www.emeraldvein.com to purchase this song & other Emerald Vein music. More to come & please pass this on to your friends. Click on "Sounds" & scroll down near the bottom of the page & look for the little photo of Hadassah :) . Go to www.myspace.com/opensoaks or www.myspace/emeraldveinmusic to hear "Take Me There" in its entirely :)

THANKS FOR YOUR LOVE & SUPPORT!!!! Mimi Download "Take Me There" by Mimi Caban at
www.emeraldvein.com
www.opensoaks.net MimiBlog & Tributes to Bobby :)

A Garden Party/Tribute to Bobby Invitation

You are invited to Square Foot Gardening Party: A New Start
Saturday May 10, 2008
Beginning at 10:00am
At the home of Mimi, Michael & Hadassah Caban
opensoaks@juno.com

Bobby was born on May 10, 1957. He would have been 51 years old this year. Anticipating that this day may be a difficult one for myself & the kids, I’ve decided to honor his life with something that will bring life continually: create a small garden in our yard.

I’ve chosen the square foot gardening method because it seems so incredibly easy (something Bobby would have loved!), it’s something Michael & Hadassah can participate in & something that can be added to as the seasons go by.

I once held a garden party in Milford MA to celebrate coming through some very difficult seasons of life. Folks came with plants & gardening tools & smiles & we dug & created something wonderful & lasting.

This time there’s no digging involved! BUT I would love you all to come & pitch in. I especially need a few folks with a little more experience than me (none) in building a 4 X 4 frame for each garden section. Two at the most.

This is the list of specific items we will need on May 10th:

food to share for cooking out
drinks
tables & chairs for out side
wood: 8 pieces of 4 foot 2 X 6 inch boards
12 pieces of 6 foot wood lath boards
weed cloth: 2 pieces a bit larger than a 4 foot by 4 foot area
wood screws
a power drill to borrow
large coarse thread deck crews
6 cubic feet compost made of 5 different types of compost: we can mix it here
6 cubic feet of peat moss
6 cubic feet of vermiculite
your hammer
seeds & plants: I prefer organic NON GMO of veggies, flowers, herbs & things that attract butterflies. A different type of seed or plant will be grown in each square foot section of the gardens. There will be 32 sections total if we build 2 frames. Enough for our family to enjoy & for Michael to set up a little roadside farmstand to sell flowers, tomatoes, herbs etc :)
garden gloves

because this is such a specific list, I will need to know what you are bringing if anything so I can check it off of my list :) Thanks! I really hope those of you who read this can come :) Mimi

Home again & other exciting news....

hello everyone: i am actually typing this from my home in huntington :) the kids & i arrived around midnight last night. the first sound i heard when i openeed the van door was the sound of our river across the street. what a joyful sound. it made me happy.

my beautiful housesitter & her doggies were here & i got to say goodbye to them this morning. what a gift from God she is to me.

dad is well on his way to feeling great! as far as i know he attended the opera "Aida" in pittsburgh friday night. my sister & her dance company performed in it as well. AMAZING! i was able to take Hadassah to the dress rehearsal for free (TIX are normally close to $200 each) Hadassah was also able to attend a Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre rehearsal & meet a world famous photographer whose husband just happens to be a film director who is making the movie "The Road" with Vigo Mortensen & Charlize Theron in Pittsburgh.

my van cost about $1000 over the past 10 days but now everything from the front brakes to the alternator (which blew out last friday on our way across pennsylvania!) to the front tires & other things have been replaced or fixed.

i had a very fruitful time in east stroudsburg PA on friday - monday with bob & susan young who love michael & hadassah like their own kids. bob & i finished the recording for my sampler CD, rehearsed for our upcoming Emerald Vein www.emeraldvein.com concert May 17th in Stroudsburg PA at the Shawnee Playhouse. I sang & ministered at a local coffee house friday night & then sang & taught at their new worship & arts gathering "The Alabaster Box" on saturday night. if you're a soaker & live within 5 hours of them, COME! I will be going down there on a regular basis to come alongside of what God is doing there at the AB. every saturday night at 7PM. no agenda other than to seek & worship God & release His kingdom love & creativity....everywhere. all the time.

I can see blue skies....nothing but blue skies (as irving king sang over me many years ago :) & i feel a sense of hope today.

i am so grateful for the time to be with my father & family during his surgeries & afterward. I have peace that he is going to continue to do well & regain strength (and weight :). the time with him, my mom & stepdad, sister, brother, "sister" & nephews & niece was a gift to me. as well as the time with Pastor Phil & Lois Roland & old friends at the Sheepfold in Sharon, PA who held a beautiful seder on the night that would have been Jesus' last meal with his friends before He was crucified. It was living water for my soul.

CD PROJECT: the last things I need to do are to create the cover & cd label & then have 500 copies made. This cd is a sampler & a thank you note to the many people who have loved us over the past 9 months. as well as something that i will sell wherever i sing, teach, minister. If you would like to contribute financially or creatively to help complete this project let me know.

EMERALD VEIN CONCERT: May 17th 8PM Shawnee Playhouse Stroudsburg PA This concert will be "...in praise and wonder of the Great Architect of the Universe" & will be a reunion of EV band members Bob Young, bassist Tony Green & myself as well as Susan Young (vocalist & dancer) & the Young children (think Libera) Jeff Reid & others (maybe Hadassah will grace us with her presence too!). This will be a lush sonic, visual & spiritual experience for your eyes & ears & heart. Tickets are $12 each. Families of 3 or more will pay a total of $25. The theatre seats only 200 people & we hope it will fill up. This is the first time we have all been together since about 1992??? We will be playing some of the original Emerald Vein music as as well several of my original songs & other new music. I am so excited about this event. (It's also one week after Bobby's birthday. Somehow that is significant to me.) I hope you can ALL be there. Stroudsburg is right new the PA/NJ border & only a 3 hour drive for me from Huntington. It's near the Poconos & a very nice area for bed & breakfasts & other touristy things as well as a large train museum area!

www.emeraldvein.com new web site with a few songs posted as of right now......

let me know you're alive & well if i haven't been in touch for awhile...i love you all with an everlasting love, mimi