What happened on July 19, 2007

It was a beautiful day. I spent the first couple of hours outside mowing our lawn, or part of it rather. The new house has about 1/2 acre of land & since we are 12 miles from the closest gym, I asked Bobby for a push lawn mower (not gas or electric but the kind we used when I was a kid) for my birthday :) I figured I could mow it in sections several times a week & get a good workout.

Bobby was inside hanging out with the kids. He was on a part time teaching schedule for the summer & God had told me that we should just take our time getting unpacked in the new house, Specifically He told me to enjoy my husband, enjoy my kids, enjoy the land, have fun & relax! We closed on the house (our first) on June 22nd & finished the move 6/25, one day before my birthday. So I received the house AND the lawn mower from Bobby.

Bob & I had planned a housewarming party for that Saturday 7/21 so after I mowed the lawn, all 4 of us got in the van to ride into Westfield to do some shopping. I remember that we stopped at the Farm & Feed supply place, patted the dog that worked there, met an EMT (who came later to our house for a 911 call), looked at bat houses. Bob bought a propane tank for our grill & I remember him looking at all of the Carhartt stuff & he was thinking of our stepdad, Frank.

Then we stopped at the Bread Basket which is a wonderful little bakery goody shop run by Mennonite ladies. Bob met a couple of guys who were out hiking & surveying land out here for new power lines. The ladies in the store recalled later on how Michael & I were trying to pick out something yummy for Bobby while he waited outside w/Hadassah. He loved the Kutztown Birch Beer & Black Cherry sodas. Then we went on to Ocean State Job Lots where I found melamine dishes that I really liked. I was all excited & Bobby put his arm around me & said, you're a happy girl: you got your house, you got your plates...enormous grin on both of our faces. We had 2 carts filled with stuff for the house & the party. I remember all these organic soups being for sale there at a good price. I bought LOTS of them & I rememebr thinking: why am i buying all of this soup? it's summer. (now that it is fall & bobby is gone & I don't feel like cooking, those soups are something healthy & easy that I can make & I think of him every time.)

I remember Bobby needing to use the bathroom twice while we were there. He never said anything about feeling weird or ill. The kids went to the rest room with him. The only thing Michael said later that he thought was a little different were the long pauses between Daddy's words. But those of us who know Bob know that he often paused...sometimes excruciatingly looooooong pauses between thoughts! :)

Earlier that week or perhaps the week before, he mentioned feeling dizzy & his cheeks actually looked flushed. We pretty much moved ourselves & did a lot of physical work those days & Bob had been on meds for high blood pressure for a number of years. But he was stubborn about getting it checked regularly...though he had bought a new bike the week before he died to get more exercise.

So we paid for everything & headed to Stop & Shop. I remember looking at the time on the van clock. It was 4:39 & I said Oh I'll have to hurry & get this done so we can make it to the dump on time. We all went into the store, looked at a yard gazebo they had on sale. I asked Bobby if he thought we should buy it now. He said we should wait. We thought the wild caught salmon was on sale that day but found out the sale didn't start until the next day. Bobby said, That's OK we can come back tomorrow. I said I didn't want to do more shopping tomorrow... I just wanted to enjoy the day & not have to run around doing errands. Hadassah as getting wild because she was very tired so I said to Bob: why don't you take her out to the van. You guys can chill out there while Michael & I finished the shopping. So Bobby & Hadassah left the store. That was last time I saw him alive.

About 30-45 minutes later, our license plate number was announced over the store loudspeaker. I thought, that;s odd, if the lights are on why don't they just tell Bobby? So Michael & I went to customer service & awoman named Julianne met us there. She said she had found my husband collapsed on the parking lot & Hadassah was bouncing around inside the van but she was OK. She had already called the paramedics (I later found out that Hadassah told them we were in the store...otherwise they would never have known that Bobby & she were with anyone else.) A male EMT met me next to our van, Bob was already in the ambulance. The EMT looked like he had been crying. He said they were working on Bob but had gotten no response. I was very calm & thinking that nothing bad was happening. Michael started to freak & I really did believe everything was really OK.

I was focused on the location of the van keys. We had brought only 1 set that day & Bobby had it. No one knew where they were. Julianne just took over (she's christian lady it turns out) grabbed Hadasssah's car seat Michael & me & took us to the hospital. I can't write much more right now except to say we did get a pulse briefly while I was in the ER praying for Bobby, really just calling him back into his body. Almost the whole time I really belived he would be all right. It just was impossible that he could be so alive one minute & gone the next. I don't remember what time the doctors quit & pronouced him dead. It was awful. Michael's face...oh my God, to have to tell him Daddy was dead & for Hadassah to be all alone with him when he collapsed...and yet at the same time this incredible belief that God would raise him from the dead rose up in me...and others arrived that night to call him back into his body...and the lead DR from the ER came back in after he was all cleaned up & joined us to pray for Bobby to be raised from the dead as well. I found that to be remarkable. And then July 24 the hospital let his body be put in their chapel where family & friends could view him. Most were there with a conviction that we would see him raised from the dead. The powere & presence of God was so strong, I thought the door would blow off of the room. Someone even brought a TV camera to film (some of you know the account of the man raised from the dead in Africa. Cameras were in the room & filmed the entire thing. Some of you have even seen it.) Our friend from India who was raised from the dead just happened to be in the USA & New England that week. David Harris picked him up & brought him to hospital. There were many hundreds around the world, perhaps thousands, in agreement to see this miracle happen. Many people have had the gift of faith & other things stirred up in them through all of this. And I encourage you, if you've read this far, to share those stories & encounters in this BLOG. It is an encouragement to me & the kids & to others.

I do not understand Bob's death. As far as I'm concerned it was premature & no one will convice me otherwise. The man expected to have a long life here on the earth. He lived Psalm 91. It was in his DNA. His life may have been preempted by his reluctance to be diligent about the blood pressure? I know we all have free will. There were some other very odd things that happened in the 5 days before his death that I won't go into here. But now there is an enormous hole in our hearts & our lives. I think about the days to come & birthdays & milestones for Michael & Hadassah without their Daddy. I do not know what that is like to not have my Dad around. And our other "adopted" kids in the area who were loved on by Bobby. Not to mention the void left in the music world. Bobby is my best friend & the love of my life. I still cannot process that he is gone & my breath catches when I see movement outside of my door. I think it's him coming home from teaching & I wish he WOULD come home to us. Put the frisbee down, Bobby, and come home...